A Mere Rhetoric
By: RDV
He said “save me,” but she didn’t care about him anymore. Said it to the now empty expanse of her heart. How could she respond to that? Wasn’t he the one who left her? She hated his primitive thinking, the way he’d always think that she was available to get back to. She wasn’t about to fall into the mistake of taking him back. Too much repetitions, negligence on his part, have blunted her love for him already.
He did say he was sorry. He always did. And his offer of apology never expired; she was always ready to accept, no matter what. She loved him then, in her forced, modified way. Wrongly, that is.
But now, by coincidence or by design, she didn’t want him anymore. It was like magic, this sudden shift. He was weeping in front of her, like the prodigious son, expectant and spoilt. In her mind, if she could push him away, if she had enough strength, she would. She looked at his pitiful face; there was an amalgam of two emotions lying behind her chest.
It was hate, despise and another one she wasn’t sure of yet...
“I’m so sorry. I can’t.” She said. It was his fault. It was he who dug a depth to drown himself in, like now. If he hadn’t run off with that girl—no, with all those other girls---everything would be much easier. Forgiveness wouldn’t be grudged. If he thought she’d say otherwise, he was sure to be verging on delusion of the worst kind. Ha!
“Why not?”
Well, for starters, what she had for him now certainly didn’t amount to love. For another, he’d just do everything all over again. With minimal variations sometimes, but all the same he’d do it again. She had no wish to hurt him. But enough is enough.
“Well, I don’t want you anymore. I don’t want you around me, that’s it.”
He stared at her then, unbelieving. For the first time he had no firm hold over things. He was losing them fast. In addition to his fear, she seemed bent on keeping her word. A leap of faith swept over her; yes, all this was pointless.
“Go home now. I don’t want to see you ever again.”
As he heard it, he felt the web that hitherto held them together fell apart. He felt a strong desire to cry just then, because he knew in his heart of hearts that it was as she said it. It was over. He walked away like a scalded kitten, vowing never to return.
Alone, she realized what it was she felt. The anger, no longer anger, turned to pity. She knew he never really had peace inside him. He kept on going back to her because she was her only home. In others, there wasn’t that kind of comfort. He loved her, of course. She stared at the segment of the sky which was starry. She swore that she’d never stare at the same sky with him again, anymore.
He said “save me,” but she didn’t care about him anymore. Said it to the now empty expanse of her heart. How could she respond to that? Wasn’t he the one who left her? She hated his primitive thinking, the way he’d always think that she was available to get back to. She wasn’t about to fall into the mistake of taking him back. Too much repetitions, negligence on his part, have blunted her love for him already.
He did say he was sorry. He always did. And his offer of apology never expired; she was always ready to accept, no matter what. She loved him then, in her forced, modified way. Wrongly, that is.
But now, by coincidence or by design, she didn’t want him anymore. It was like magic, this sudden shift. He was weeping in front of her, like the prodigious son, expectant and spoilt. In her mind, if she could push him away, if she had enough strength, she would. She looked at his pitiful face; there was an amalgam of two emotions lying behind her chest.
It was hate, despise and another one she wasn’t sure of yet...
“I’m so sorry. I can’t.” She said. It was his fault. It was he who dug a depth to drown himself in, like now. If he hadn’t run off with that girl—no, with all those other girls---everything would be much easier. Forgiveness wouldn’t be grudged. If he thought she’d say otherwise, he was sure to be verging on delusion of the worst kind. Ha!
“Why not?”
Well, for starters, what she had for him now certainly didn’t amount to love. For another, he’d just do everything all over again. With minimal variations sometimes, but all the same he’d do it again. She had no wish to hurt him. But enough is enough.
“Well, I don’t want you anymore. I don’t want you around me, that’s it.”
He stared at her then, unbelieving. For the first time he had no firm hold over things. He was losing them fast. In addition to his fear, she seemed bent on keeping her word. A leap of faith swept over her; yes, all this was pointless.
“Go home now. I don’t want to see you ever again.”
As he heard it, he felt the web that hitherto held them together fell apart. He felt a strong desire to cry just then, because he knew in his heart of hearts that it was as she said it. It was over. He walked away like a scalded kitten, vowing never to return.
Alone, she realized what it was she felt. The anger, no longer anger, turned to pity. She knew he never really had peace inside him. He kept on going back to her because she was her only home. In others, there wasn’t that kind of comfort. He loved her, of course. She stared at the segment of the sky which was starry. She swore that she’d never stare at the same sky with him again, anymore.
posted by Ria D. at
9:45 PM
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